she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
