I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
