dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
