the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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