I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
