happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I miss vodka workout Fridays
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
