Pants 0. Shit 1.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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