so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
