doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
