You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
this boner is exhausting
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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