I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
