I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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