Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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