can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
