I am puke
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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