hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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