I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
