I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
