fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
