you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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