Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He passed out mid-signature
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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