I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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