i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
