Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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