I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
