you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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