Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
