my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
