I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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