What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
