I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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