And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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