There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
