did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
