So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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