I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
