Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
