drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
