You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
