This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
