I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
