You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
