are you still at the devil's house?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
