Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
