It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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