I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We need to rekindle our bromance
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
