It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
