if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
