Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
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