he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
