where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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