She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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