sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
