I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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