I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
