he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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