The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
