do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
