I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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