I'm so fucking centered right now
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
